Oscillating

Instead of editing my novel's manuscript, which eventually becomes my thesis for graduate school, I took my favorite shawl and head for the nearest internet shop. Thinking of this actress Natalie Portman, and how her performance in the film "Black Swan" has finally turned me into one of her sincere admirers. (I don't want to use the word 'fan girl' because it sounds so tweenish.) Not only that, the film itself was poignantly and poetically made.

Now I am oscillating between work and art and the ability to self-express. I have slept for most of the day and got stuck in revising chapter three and is in a loophole as to how to deal with one of the characters. I have a self-deadline looming over my head and I've already read and re-read John Maxwell's book Roadmap To Success a couple of times to help fuel my motivation, but after a few pages a doze off back to bed.

Then, I saw Natalie Portman's performance and how brilliant of an actress she was. Then I read a couple of articles on her and realizes what a remarkable specimen she is. She is a serious actress. She is serious with her advocacies, but she does not take herself too seriously.

The other day, I sp0ke to a very good friend and colleague.

"I just had an epiphany last week."

"What?"

"I'll take myself seriously no more."

And then that's it. I won't take myself so seriously anymore. I will still do my best, but I've decided to stop beating myself up to the punch.

Trade-offs.

I read in Maxwell's book that in order for to be successful, sacrifices are needed to be made. Although, I'm trying to relax a part of me feels as though that I shouldn't be. At this point, time is of the essence, and my former self tells me that I'm absolutely wasting it.

"If you want to achieve success, you have to want to be successful." Natalie Portman says in a magazine interview. She uses the word "ambition" although admits it might be viewed negatively.

Natalie Portman's role, Nina Sayer, in "Black Swan" was a brilliant and an impeccable ballerina who dedicated herself and worked hard on her craft to be'perfect'. And at the end, tragically she did.

At the end, despite my oscillation. Dizzyingly oscillation, I shall go back to my teaching my students at day; and within my best writing at night and finishing gradschool. Make the most out of my time here and do well. Indeed, do well.